Should My Spouse Admit It To Me If He Accidentally Has Contact With The Other Woman?

Here's a good article on surviving an affair from Katie

One of the biggest problems that keeps a couple struggling when they are trying to save their marriage after an affair is the presence of the other person. Even though the affair is theoretically over, the threat of the other person somehow remains. Sometimes, this isn't an accident because the cheating spouse has somehow not made it completely clear that it is over. And other times, it is the other person trying to contact the spouse even when she wasn't invited to do so. Or, the cause could be a chance meeting that wasn't planned.

Occasionally, the cheating spouse won't mention the continued contact. But when the faithful spouse finds out about it, a lot of hurt and doubt can be the result. People sometimes ask me if their spouse needs to report back when he runs into the other person. And, if he omits any communication between them, isn't that lying? Isn't that showing continued betrayal and dishonesty at a time when you need it the most? I might hear a comment like: "my husband cheated on me with a woman with whom he went to high school. She lived far away and out of state for the past several years. But she recently moved back into town. She started hanging out with some of my husband's old friends, which is how they came face to face again and how the affair started. My husband tried his best to hide this from me but he didn't count on the fact that one of the women in their group of friends would feel guilty and would tell me. As soon as I confronted him, he said that he would end the affair. And, as far as I know, he did.

Things went OK for a while. My husband was no longer going out and was staying home with me. We worked hard on reconnecting and we had started to see some real progress. A couple of weeks ago, my husband asked if he could go out with some guy friends who had nothing to do with that old group. I didn't feel like I could say no because I felt that he would be resentful if I did. A couple of nights after he went out with them, I saw a text from the other woman. She said that she was so happy to see him out again and she hoped to see him again soon. Of course, I confronted my husband because I was very angry. He said that he happened to see her out and that it wasn't an arranged meeting. It was just chance. He claims he never promised that he would see her again. And he asked if I expect him to report back to me every time he runs into her as this is a small town and he may run into her from time to time.

The thing is, I do expect for him to tell me when he communicates with her so that I don't have to catch him in a text message where she's obviously trying to set up a meeting between them. At this point, I don't even know if I believe his story. Am I wrong to expect full accountability? I don't want to act like his mom. But I feel like this is a special circumstance. " I have to say that I completely agreed with this wife. Granted, I am not very objective. I too have gone through this situation and I know how awful it feels when you worry that your husband is going to go behind your back once again. I honestly feel that if he really wants to restore the trust, then he needs to start telling the truth in every instance. And that means telling the truth all of the time without fail. If the husband were to put himself in the wife's shoes, he would have wanted to know that little detail about seeing the other person out. And a reasonable person would have to agree that his neglecting to tell her about this raises the question of why he would want to keep it from her. I am not saying that he had any intention of pursuing meeting the other woman again. But, anyone could see that this might certainly be a possibility in the other woman's mind. But to answer the original question posed, it is my opinion that your spouse does need to tell you when he has contact with the other person. And I would hope that when and if he does, this is rare and he is reporting coincidental contact that definitely wasn't planned. Restoring the trust is vital if you are going to not only save your marriage, but you are going to restore a happy and healthy marriage.

You can't expect to restore the trust if you know that the spouse who was keeping secrets before isn't telling you the truth now. So, I think you have the right to directly tell him this isn't acceptable. You might say: "I don't want to be your mother. But you have to understand why I need to know if you have any contact with her. Finding out about it from someone other than you makes me feel as if I can't fully trust you. It makes me feel like I have to worry when we aren't together and that is not the way that I want to conduct our marriage. In order to heal, there can be no secrets between us.

I would have felt so much better about this situation if you would have come home and told me. Now, not only am I hurt by it, but I also feel betrayed. If you had told me, I would have been hurt, but I would have known that you were doing the right thing by telling me the truth. I need for you to do better next time." Hopefully, once he sees that you expect more from him, he will deliver more. And he will no longer put himself in a situation where he has to run into her. It's important that he learn not to put himself in any situations that can turn out like this. If it helps, you can read more about healing after infidelity on my blog at http://surviving-the-affair.com Article Source: https://EzineArticles.com/expert/Katie_Lersch/106531 Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/7901566

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Be Emotionally And Financially Fit To Face Your Cheating Partner

An interesting cheating partner article from blogger Maryanne.

Once you have caught your spouse cheating on you using techniques that are fool proof and you have hard evidence such as photos and videos showing his unfaithfulness, it is time to take the next step.

The next step does not entail confronting your cheating partner just yet; it entails readying yourself (including your children) emotionally and financially. This is because you need to be emotionally and financially set to face whatever eventuality that comes after you confront your spouse.

 1) Establish A Strong Support System More often than not, spouses who catch their partners cheating decide to keep it to themselves. Bad idea! Keeping such issues that are emotionally taxing to oneself is a recipe for suicide. · Instead, confide in someone close to you. Some of the people you can confide in are close family members and friends who have no personal interests in the matter. · A support system is essential in offering you emotional support and even financial assistance when things deteriorate between you and your spouse (things may begin to deteriorate immediately you know you are being cheated on). · Irrespective of what happens after confronting your cheating partner including separation, divorce, working things out and even outright refutation from your spouse, it can prove to be emotionally taxing and that is when the power of support system kicks in. · A support system provides you with so many things such as great company, encouragement and a shoulder to wipe your running nose on when crying. In addition, a support system is essential in putting things into better perspective (your emotional and mental stability is most likely to be in a mess) · If you do not want to confide in your friends and family members, you can always benefit from the help of social groups. In fact, most social groups deal with these types of issues so many times, they have the experience and knowledge in knowing how to deal with you. More importantly, social groups can help you deal with the problems more rationally (friends and family members are more likely to fan the fire than to extinguish it!)

 2) Be Financially Equipped Lack of financial preparedness is the main factor why many people remain in bad relationships and marriages. Spouses who are financially unfit prefer to hurt in the inside rather than to face the repercussions of confronting their partner's bad behavior. · Take the bull by the hones by being financially ready. For the wife, this means setting aside some money in case you have to move out. For the husband, this is more likely to mean hiring a lawyer to oversee any legal issues that arises. · To ensure you do not fall in the trap of postponing the confrontation because you are not financially ready, it is always advisable to confront your partner on the pay day especially when you share a checking account.

 3) Get Alternative Accommodation To find an alternative accommodation does not mean that you have decided to divorce your cheating spouse. It means you are shrewd enough to know you will need some alone- time. · Other than the fact that you will need another place where you can go and unwind following the long days and trying weeks after confronting your cheating partner, you need backup accommodation in case I. Your spouse legally kicks you out II. Your spouse becomes physically, psychologically and emotionally abusive III. ·

If slouching in your family member's or friend's sofa is not what you want, you can contact a shelter in advance. There are shelters for both genders in most towns. · Other places that offer good accommodation are churches and YMCAs that offer additional spiritual support. I, Maryanne W. am committed to research and write content that is meaningful to you. Besides being a featured Ezine author, I am a blogger at cirukariuki.blogspot.com which is a blog that highlight various everyday issues that affect ordinary people. Learn more about relationship issues and how to overcome them by visiting http://www.cirukariuki.blogspot.com Article Source: https://EzineArticles.com/expert/Maryanne_W_Ndung'u/1600155

http://sign-of-infidelity.blogspot.com/

I Want To Get The Other Woman Out Of My Husband's Mind - But How?

Another great article, this time from Katie.

I sometimes hear from wives who are not only dealing with insecurities about themselves and their own desirability after their husband's affair, they are also having the worry about their husband still thinking about (or longing after) the other woman. They worry that this means that he's not ever going to truly be happy at home. And that he's always going to think that she is the one that got away, and the one who he would truly want if only things were different. I might hear a comment similar to this one: "my husband cheated on me with a woman who was a little younger and perhaps a lot prettier. I know that he still thinks about her. In fact, he doesn't even try to hide the fact that he still thinks about her. But he has promised to stay with me because of our kids. And I believe that he is trying to be a good husband and to make our marriage better. I honestly believe that he does love me.

He just may not lust after me in the same way that he lusts after her. But I believe that we have a compelling history and I know that he is committed to our family. I know that I should try to be happy with this. But knowing that he is always remembering her bothers me so much. It's like I can never really have peace or enjoy my husband because she is always between us. 

I want him to forget about her. I have even tried to dig up dirt on her to prove to my husband that she isn't as great as he thinks. But it hasn't worked. I catch him having a far away look on his face all of the time and I know that he is thinking of her. It makes me so fearful and sad. Is there any way that an everyday wife can make a man forget about the affair who he thinks was his dream woman?" So many things about this make me sad. But most of all, it saddens me that this wife saw herself as less than the other woman. It was almost as if she were conceding that the other woman had something that she didn't or that the other woman already had her beaten. When you have this attitude, not only can you be wrong, but you can project that attitude onto your husband, which is actually the last thing that you want. Who is to say that this woman has anything that you don't? Who is to say that she is more desirable? The thing is, you can't "get," "make," or "force," your husband to do anything. But you can set up the situation to encourage him to do many things. I will offer some suggestions on how to do this below. 

 If You Believe That You Are Worthy Of A Man's Affection, Attention And Lust, Then He Will Usually Believe It Too: I hope that what I'm about to say doesn't sound insensitive. I don't mean it in that way. I'm saying it because I want to help you get what you want. In a sense, you are trying to sell an image to your husband. You want for him to see you as sexy, playful, and alluring. But when you have already described yourself as a common housewife, this is going to be a difficult sell. In no way am I saying that you should not be yourself or that you should pretend to be what you are not. What I am saying is that you have to believe in your own worth. You have to look at yourself in the mirror with love and appreciation. You have to see your assets and either ignore your faults or fix them until you are satisfied with them because they make you unique and they make you who you are. I can't overstate how important this is. 

Because if you don't see yourself as beautiful, sexy, and alluring, then you can't project this so that your husband believes it. I believe that one of the most important things that you can do in this situation is to the self work that is going to be necessary to significantly boost your confidence. Because few things are as sexy as woman who knows that she is sexy. And this wife wasn't there yet. 

Focus On Your Marriage And On Rebuilding Your Relationship And Take The Focus Off Of Her: I understood why this wife felt the need to point out the negatives of the other woman. But honestly, most of the time, placing your focus on her is the absolute worst thing that you can do. As much as possible, you want to place your focus away from her. Yes, you will need to talk about the affair. Yes, you will have to explore and fix those issues. But as much as you can, you don't want to keep bringing the conversation back to what was so special and alluring about her. You want to let her go so that your husband can do the same. The focus should be on strengthening your marriage and your bond. 

When you can successfully rebuild your marriage and get the intimacy and the sexual chemistry back, then he is going to be much more likely to place his focus where it should be - on you and on your marriage. As often as possible, place your focus where it should be and he will eventually follow. The more time that passes and the harder you work on your marriage, the more the memory of her will lose its hold on him. Plus, often with time, men come to realize that the other woman wasn't what he thought and he'll see that the attraction was more about what she represented to him rather than who she truly was. Since these things weren't real anyway, they will generally fade with time. I used to spend way too much time pondering the other woman until I realized that by doing this, it was almost like the affair was still happening. And I wanted her out of my life so I really and truly so let her go. If it helps, you can read more on my blog at http://surviving-the-affair.com Article Source: https://EzineArticles.com/expert/Katie_Lersch/106531 Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/7736581

my husband cheated on me

Traits of a Cheater - What Personality Characteristics Are Common in Cheaters?

A really interesting article on signs of a cheating husband in this article from Zandra.

 Just like athletes, doctors, and lawyers cheaters have many personality characteristics in common with each other. While you can't categorize every person who may have some of these qualities as cheater most people who cheat do have a lot of things in common. By knowing what these characteristics are you can detect cheating sooner than time would normally allow instead of waiting for cold, hard evidence you can use their actions, character, and tactics to decide if this person is a cheater. 

There's nothing more painful than investing time, effort, and love into a relationship only to have that union destroyed, because the significant other decided to throw it all away by cheating. A lot of people are stuck in relationships where they're miserable because they don't know if the person is actually cheating on them. So they resign to waiting to catch the hand in cookie jar before they make a decision. But what a lot of cheaters do is keep you off-center, change their cheating tactics, and use your suspicions against you. 

Here are some common personality characteristics of cheaters 

 1. Friends: Birds of a feather flock together. This is true for almost every single friendship that has every existed. If your mate has lots of friends who are all cheaters chances are they're not above it themselves. A person with a lot of cheaters for friends remain friends with those people because this is what they have in common. So I'd be a little skeptical about getting serious with someone who has these kinds of friends. 

 2. Opposite Sex: A cheater tends to keep a lot of friends of the opposite sex. A man for instance, will tend to have more girlfriends than guy friends. Most cheaters say that they just get along with the opposite sex a lot better than their own gender. This can be true to a certain extent. However, even if this person does get along better with the opposite sex they still have friends that are from their own gender as well. All their friends won't be the opposite sex. Cheaters love to keep a supply of potential candidates available to them when they need them. So what a lot of cheaters do is convince you that they prefer the company of the opposite sex. So how do you know the difference? The difference between a cheater and someone who genuinely feels this way is this; the genuine person hasn't had any type of romantic or sexual involvement with these friends. They will also allow and encourage that their new mate becomes friends with their friends as well. So if the cheater has the potential hookups that they're trying to protect you being friends with that person is absolutely out of the question. 

 3. Lies: This is the one thing that cheaters do is a lot. When you first get involved you tend to think that maybe they're just not being completely forthcoming with the information that you need to make the best choice when it comes to being with them. Cheaters are very secretive when it comes down to their own personal details even from day one. They won't take you anyplace where family and friends might be, they won't allow you full access into their life, and they will say anything to you so that you can convince yourself that they're the one for you. They're very particular about the words that they speak. The reason for this is so that they can defend themselves by letting you know that they didn't exactly tell you those things. They place a lot of focus on you and not themselves. As a matter of fact, they try to keep all the attention on you this way you'll be distracted from paying attention to any discrepancies that they might have told you. 

When you start to find that there are issues with what they're telling you I would be skeptical about believing anything they tell you until their actions match their words. There are plenty more characteristics of a cheater. The one instinct that is always the most accurate when it comes to cheaters is your instincts. It's amazing how people doubt, and fail to pay attention to what their instincts are telling them. If you all of sudden start to think that you love may be cheating on you then those instincts would be worth the exploration. You could be saving yourself a lot of heartache and trouble by finding out what they're up to as soon as possible. These 10 powerful signs will help you to detect cheating sooner than ever before. There are behaviors that all cheaters do that they're unaware of. Once you've learned to recognize these symbols you can detect cheater 100% quicker. This book is jam packed with all the tips, tricks, and techniques that cheaters use to get away with having an affair. It even comes with 5 free chapters that explain how to catch a cheater in great detail. You don't have to put up with a cheater ever again. Get the book that explains it all. Stop the Cheating Article Source: https://EzineArticles.com/expert/Zandra_R_Moore/1465291 Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/7698217

here are some more articles on signs of a cheating husband

Ways to Tell If Your Boyfriend Could Cheat On You Again

A really good article on ways to tell if your boyfriend is cheating from relation expert Zandra.


The worst thing a relationship can suffer is cheating. Cheating is the destroyer of any good relationship. But a lot of women don't want to end their relationships on the account of one mistake. Getting over the betrayal of an affair can prove to be a very difficult thing to do. So a lot of women end up wondering and worrying if he'll cheat again, and worrying how will they know if he is cheating on them.

Here are some great tips that will alert you to his cheating.

 5 Powerful Signs of Cheating 

1. Too much attention to his appearance- Getting your man dressed and looking nice has always been a struggle. This guy has never cared too much about how he's dressed so when he suddenly starts taking an interest in his appearance this should set off signals and bells about why. If there is no legitimate reason for his new found interest in looking good then the next obvious reason is to impress his new love interest. Men and women both start to care more about their appearance when they're trying to catch the eye of another. Be suspicious of the new attention that he pays to the way he looks, because he's trying to captivate his new love's heart. It's a definite sign of cheating if every time he gets cleaned up he has to leave and go somewhere else. He's trying to look good for someone that is for sure.

 2. Suddenly unavailable- It didn't matter what time of the day or night you called him he would answer your call. If he couldn't answer your call he would call you back as soon as possible. He always made time for you and the things that you had to do. Now it seems that he's just so busy that he can't do anything with you anymore. You call he doesn't answer. You call him, and it takes hours for him to call you back. It's a miracle that you actually got a response at all. The fact that he's suddenly unavailable to you signifies that he is otherwise occupied. If he's spending time with another woman then he definitely can't take attention away from her to give to you. That's why your calls and texts are being ignored. They're not important enough to answer at that time. He can't carry out his goals of getting her to fall in love with him, or to have sex with him if he has to stop in the middle of his seduction to get a grocery list from you.

 3. Smells like perfume- The majority of women on this earth wears some kind of perfumed product on their bodies every day. Whether it's the shampoos, lotions, lipsticks, perfumes, or body washes women are attracted to what smells pretty and pleasant. So if you start to notice that he smells like lilacs when you love the smell of roses you got to wonder how did this particular scent get on his body. Perfumes have a way of transferring on to another person depending on the quality that is used. This is a clear indicator that he's been closer than normal to some woman somewhere. You should also watch out for things like glitter, lip gloss, and any other types of make up smears. Most men don't want these things on them even if they're not cheating so if it's on him it's because he was close to a female who had these things on her. I don't know about you, but my mother doesn't wear glitter so when he tells you that I'd be suspicious. Just know that these things can be a signal of infidelity on his part.

 4. Acts nervous- Your man is always confident and so sure of himself. He knows everything, can tell you anything, and can do anything when he puts his mind to it. Seems so strange that when you ask him a question he looks like a deer caught in headlights. Not only that but his whole demeanor is less than the confident man you're used to dealing with. When you're guy starts displaying nervous, agitated, or secretive behavior there's a reason why. That reason is his guilty conscious is doing a number on him. Cheaters have a lot of things to worry about. They don't want the consequences, the bad results, and they definitely don't want to get caught so they're reacting to their own guilt by behaving in these ways. When your man is doing this he's definitely do something he has no business doing.

 5. Starts arguments for no reason- This is a tactic that cheaters use to get out of the house. If you're man no longer loves you then his reasons for arguing with you is to get away from you to be with her. So he picks an argument with you so that this will be his excuse for being gone, and for being gone for a long time. What a great way to cover yourself. So if your man starts arguing with you about the dumbest things there may be a reason why he's doing it. That reason may be to spend time with his other woman. He can't actually just walk away and be gone for a long period of time without any explanation. That's the reason for the argument. So he has to have a good reason why he is absent. If you're noticing more than one time of these cheating behaviors from your man, and you feel deeply within your heart that this is what's going on this is good enough reason to investigate a little further.

The chances of your boyfriend cheating on you again is always going to be high since he's already done it once. You already know his tactics so all you would have to do is pay attention to the details. If you haven't went and got professional counseling then it's very likely that he will cheat again if the situation permits itself for him to do so.

 These 10 powerful signs will help you to detect cheating sooner than ever before. There are behaviors that all cheaters do that they're unaware of. Once you've learned to recognize these symbols you can detect cheater 100% quicker. This book is jam packed with all the tips, tricks, and techniques that cheaters use to get away with having an affair. It even comes with 5 free chapters that explain how to catch a cheater in great detail. You don't have to put up with a cheater ever again. Top Secret Cheating Tips! Article Source: https://EzineArticles.com/expert/Zandra_R_Moore/1465291 Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/7665493

How to tell if your boyfriend is cheating

Powerful signs of a cheating husband